Thursday, August 28, 2008

Sequal to Order Up!!

So, an old high school friend of mine just posted a bulletin requesting a list of pet peeves for research purposes and I wrote her back with a list...and I started to get agitated while writing bare with me...I feel I need to have another venting session..

What irks me? Wellllll....for starters...

Rude people: You know...everyone is entitled to a bad day, but if you can't play nice out in public and feel the need to be nasty so someone for no reason THEN STAY THE FUCK HOME!!! Noone wants to deal with your nasty ass attitude. Bad day aside...if your just a rude son-of-a-bitch to begin with then do the world a favor and just kill yourself NOW!

White trash: Hey...i grew up in a trailer down a sugar sand road in rural Florida (when there was a rural Florida). We didn't have a whole lot of money...but you know what?? SOAP IS CHEAP...and class is FREE! Put down the can of Beast...take a fucking shower, THROW AWAY the greasy wife beater, you can also stop beating your wife, turn off Jerry Springer, STOP BREEDING!!!!!!! and do something with yourself.

Bad posture: This may be one of my biggest peeves of all time. I see so many pretty girls that just look like shit all hunched over. Suck it in, flex the core, throw back the shoulders and carry yourself properly!

Obnoxious Ringtones & the people attached to them: No one wants to hear Shakira's nasty voice yodeling from your phone...and usually these are the people that talk JUST loud enough in the store to make sure everyone can hear them...I DON'T give a shit what your hubby wants for dinner!!!!

Mullets: YO!!! 1980 called and want's it's hair back..honestly I don't even think the 80's wanted them...they're an abomination along with mommy pants. Really...what are they?? Business in the front/Party in the rear????...Short or long...PICK ONE!!!!

Noisy neighbors
: This includes those who hump so loud they almost knock your pictures off the wall at 1 A.M.(punched a hole in my ceiling over that one 2 nights ago)

ANIMAL ABUSERS!!!! I'll never understand this one...if your not going to take care of an animal...or worse yet, physically abuse it...they why have one??? I just don't get it. And you dog/cock fighters...I hope you die the most slow, horrible death that the reaper can come up useless piece of shit on society.

Litter bugs: Is it that hard to just find a trash can...or leave it in your car until you get home?

Psychotic Shoppers: These are individuals who flip out on a clerk when a store is out of the Christmas ornament they want...seriously...let me get in touch with the starving kids in Africa and tell them they'll have to wait because we have a CODE RED in the Christmas isle!!!

Religious Fanatics: EVERYONE is entitled to their beliefs...but don't try to recruit me into it! And if your willing to kill someone because they don't share your belief system then you have some serious insecurity issues...sounds like a faith problem to me, buddy...take it up with your maker and leave me the fuck alone.

Scratchers: These assholes...tattooing out of their houses, hacking people up and most assuredly spreading disease...who the fuck do they think they are? I watch Pat slave away over 60 hours a week at his job. He's spent years perfecting his craft...went through a full apprenticeship while working full time, and has EARNED his right to tattoo customers. If you haven't done this the WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT to think you can buy a machine (note i said MACHINE...guns are for hunting not tattooing) off Ebay and boil some needles on your stove (which does nothing by the way) and go to town on skin? Fuck you! And if you're STUPID enough to go get hacked up in someones trailer then you deserve the hepatitis or cellulitis or any of the NUMEROUS infections you are bound to receive! the tattoo industry, you really do get what you pay for.

Politicians: All politicians lie...everyone knows perhaps it's not so much the politicians that piss me off...but the fact that everyone is so complacent of this knowledge.

Know-it-alls: may be may read The New Yorker and have several degrees...or you may have none of these and still think you know everything....but trust don't. Embrace the fact that there are still things out there that you can learn...if you REALLY knew everything you're cranium would probably explode and life would suck walking around with a bloody stump for a head.

I could probably continue on but I'm hungry and want some Cheerios and I'm sure you have places to go and people to see...let's hope they're not classified in any of these categories...After breakfast I'm going to self evaluate and work on my own flaws. spelling being one of them...


Monday, June 30, 2008

Order Up!!

I've been stuck at work so much that there's no time for even a little weekend adventure in my life. Like today...this should be my day off...but I'll be going to work AGAIN because we seem to ALWAYS be short staffed. Buhhhh

I've noticed I'm becoming quite the bitter individual too. The conclusion to why this is happening is simple...people suck. I don't know what goes on in someone's head when they go out out eat but evidently abusing their server is priority in their mind. I don't know when it became socially acceptable to take out all daily frustrations on someone bringing you a burger...but it must have..because it happens to to me and all the girls I work with...A LOT.

And if they're not mean then they're simply stupid. I do you really forget what you've ordered in the 15 minutes it's taken to cook it. But this happens so often that a research team should be assembled immediately to explore this phenomenon. It never ceases to amaze me...

EXAMPLE: there's 3 people at the table...2 have ordered a waffle...I stand there holding the waffle (because I've got so much crammed in my head at this point that I'm not going to remember who's ordered what) and call out "Waffle with strawberries"

.......(insert crickets chirping if you wish)

(slightly more irritated now) "Waffle with strawberries..." The tards glance around in a state of utter confusion and then look at me with complete bafflement for a good 10 seconds until something clicks into place in one of their pea brains and I can see the light go DING....

"oh dude, that's mine"

No shit dumbass....and don't call me dude...

And then there's the fucks that MUST just take enjoyment in watching you run around like a jackrabbit on crack...because why else would they order their water and then a sandwich, and then a side of mayo, and some mustard, oh...and can i have a Pepsi...oh and some extra napkins...oh...this doesn't come with fries???? can i have some??? (bimbo now batting eyelashes as if that's going to make me forgive her fucking annoying bimbo voice) Coincidentally enough, these are the one's that ALWAYS leave you a dollar (mostly in pennies)

And never mind the Gimmie Gimmies. (all of you who know me would laugh at my polite voice i'm using right's about an octave above my normal one) "Hi are you today?"
"um yeah...gimmie a grilled cheese with fries" never even making eye contact with me. I'm sure in that gimmie there was a hello in there somewhere. pfft...

And the all around miserable cunts...I mean..if you're reallllly that miserable...STAY THE FUCK HOME...don't bring it out in public and subject everyone to it. Same goes for the miserable BITCHY cunts. If you're going to be that bitchy to me then you sure as hell better be good looking because all you fat ugly miserable cunts that look at me in disdain can really kiss my ass. Just because you're fat and ugly isn't my fault. I'm just bringing you a plate of disgusting fried food that, incidentally I've probably spit in...BON APPETITE you hag.

There's the white trash families with their nine white trash kids that come and annihilate my booth with flung fried food and broken crayons and the perpetual smell of cow can really keep that dollar you left me and put it towards a maid..because I certainly am not one.

And I will never understand the ones that come to a sit down restaurant and bitch about the speed of the food preparation...If you're in that much of a hurry then go to fucking McDonald's...there's on on every corner.

There are the few sweet regulars that come in and truly make the day bearable. Unfortunately most of them are rather elderly and several have already passed away this year, which makes me sad. They...and the wad of cash I walk out with every day keep me going. Otherwise I think I'd go stick my head in the fryer and end it all.